How to choose a celebrant (and avoid a boring ceremony)

Choosing a celebrant shouldn’t be hard to do.

But, somehow, often it’s harder than you think.

You scroll through website after website, looking for the person who will help make your wedding day just that bit more special.

For some reason, they all look the same! Everyone sounds nice. Everyone says they’re “warm, professional and personalised”.

And yet . . . you’ve been to weddings where the ceremony was:

• flat
• awkward, and
• completely forgettable.

So what’s going on? What’s happening between what celebrants say on their website and what they’re actually delivering on the day?

The difference between a great ceremony and an average one – let alone a boring one – isn’t luck. It’s the celebrant.

Most celebrants aren’t bad – they’re just . . . safe

This is the part no one really says in conversations about celebrants.

But it’s true that most celebrants:

• follow a similar structure
• use similar wording
• stick to what they know works.

Part of that is because of how they were trained. Remember, all marriage celebrants have to go through training to be celebrants. There are limited organisations that are allowed to train them. Which means they all ‘turn out’ very similar to each other.

And that explains why, at the end of that process, you get a ceremony that’s perfectly fine . . . and completely unmemorable.

It’s ‘nice’. There’s nothing technically wrong with it.

But it doesn’t feel like anything special, either. It’s pretty vanilla.

The problem isn’t you – it’s what you’re being offered

Couples often think, “Maybe we’re just overthinking it.”

You’re not.

If you don’t want:

• something stiff
• something overly traditional
• something that feels like it belongs to someone else

That’s not being difficult. That’s knowing the difference between a ceremony and your ceremony.

So how do you actually choose the right celebrant? Here’s what I’d be paying attention to:

1. Can they explain how they create a ceremony — not just that they do or what they offer?

Everyone says their ceremonies are “personalised”. What does that actually mean? Do they take the same templated ceremony and just change the names to yours – And that becomes a ‘personalised’ ceremony?

Ask, “How do you actually build a ceremony?”

If the answer is vague, template-based, or sounds like “we’ll just tweak this to suit you” . . . you’re probably getting a slightly customised version of the same thing they do for everyone.

2. Do they have a clear style?

A good celebrant isn’t trying to be everything to everyone.

They’ll have a point of view that they carry with them. It’s part of who they are and how they operate.

Maybe they’re:

• modern and relaxed
• classic and formal
• light-hearted and fun

None of those is wrong.

But if you can’t tell what their style is, from talking with them and checking out their website and social posts, that’s a red flag, because it usually means they default to “safe”.

What actually makes a ceremony good?

First up, there are a few things that don’t make a ceremony good.

A good ceremony is not about length.

It’s not about how many “features” it includes – eg how many readings or pieces of music you can include.

And it’s certainly not about how fancy it looks.

A good ceremony is:

• easy and joyful to listen to
• natural in tone
• engaging without trying too hard
• clearly about you – not the celebrant

And when it’s done well, people pay attention. Not because they have to. But because they want to.

Let’s talk about “boring”

A boring ceremony usually isn’t dramatic or obviously bad. And it’s usually not boring simply because the celebrant set out to make it boring!

It’s just:

• predictable
• flat
• slightly awkward
• easy to tune out from.

And the worst part? You don’t realise it until you’re in it.

You’re allowed to want more than “that was nice”

This is your wedding. You’re paying for it. It means you have the ultimate say in what type of wedding ceremony you want.

It shouldn’t be a box to tick.

It shouldn’t be something to rush through.

And it certainly shouldn’t be something to get through.

If you want a ceremony that:

• feels natural
• reflects who you are
• actually holds people’s attention

then the person you choose as your celebrant matters. A lot.

If you’re trying to avoid a boring ceremony and, rather, have a ceremony that reflects both of you . . .

Then you probably don’t need the safest option.

You need someone who:

• knows their stuff
• is approachable and open to your suggestions – but also comes ready to suggest different ideas to you that gel with you
• has a clear approach
• knows how to read a room
• can build something that feels like you – not just “a wedding ceremony”

If that’s what you’re looking for . . .

Then we should talk.

I work with couples who:

• care about how their ceremony feels, not just how it looks 
• don’t want a cookie-cutter ceremony 
• want something modern, relaxed, and genuinely personal