Writing Your Own Wedding Vows: Where to Start Without Spiralling

If you’re writing your own wedding vows in Australia, there’s a good chance you’ve already done at least one of these:

• opened a notes app and immediately closed it 
• googled examples and hated all of them 
• convinced yourself you’re bad at writing 
• assumed your partner will somehow be naturally better at this.

All normal.

Why vow writing feels harder than it should

Writing your own vows sounds:

• simple
• meaningful
• like a nice idea.

In practice, it tends to bring up a mix of:

• pressure 
• self-consciousness 
• overthinking 
• and a vague sense that it needs to be “good”

Which is usually where things start to spiral.

The part most people get wrong

They treat vows like:

• a speech 
• a performance 
• a chance to say everything at once 
• or something that needs to sound impressive.

That’s what makes it feel hard.

What vows are actually for

They are not:

• a summary of your relationship 
• a highlight reel 
• or a piece of writing to be judged

They are:

• a set of promises
• written in your voice
• delivered in a very real moment.

That’s it.

Most couples don’t realise this…

You don’t need to write beautiful vows.

You need to write honest ones.

And those are usually much simpler than people expect.

A simple structure that actually works

If you’re stuck, don’t start with a blank page.

Start with this.

1. Start with what you know about them

Not:

• their full story 
• a list of everything you love 
• or a long introduction.

Just a few grounded truths

• how they show up 
• what they’re like in real life 
• what you’ve learned from them.

2. Name what your relationship feels like

This is where the tone comes from.

Not describing everything you’ve done together

But how it actually feels to be with them

• steady 
• easy 
• chaotic in a good way 
• supportive 
• something else entirely.

Keep it simple.

3. Make actual promises

This is the core of the vows.

And it’s the part most people underdo.

Good vows include specific, believable promises.

Not:

• vague statements 
• not generic lines 
• not things that sound like wedding language.

But things like:

• how you’ll show up 
• what you’ll keep doing 
• what you’ll try to hold onto.

4. End cleanly

This is where people tend to overdo it.

They feel like it needs a big finish.

It doesn’t.

A simple, clear ending always lands better than:

• something stretched 
• something over-written 
• or something trying to sound “final”.

What makes wedding vows actually good

Good vows are:

• specific (not general) 
• spoken (not over-written) 
• emotionally clear (not vague or abstract) 
• focused on the future as much as the past. 

What makes them memorable

What usually goes wrong

A lot of vow-writing advice pushes people to be:

• more profound 
• more poetic 
• more impressive. 

Which leads to vows that sound borrowed.

Or slightly off.

A simple rule

If you wouldn’t say it out loud to them in real life, it probably doesn’t belong

Most couples don’t realise this . . .

Your vows do not need to:

• match perfectly 
• sound the same 
• follow the same structure. 

They just need to feel like they belong in the same room.

You’re two different people.

That’s the point.

A useful test

Before the day, read them out loud.

Not in your head.

Out loud.

Then ask:

• do I stumble over this sentence? → fix or cut it 
• does this sound like something I’d actually say? → keep it 
• does this sound like a quote on a wall? → cut it 

am I trying too hard here? → probably cut it.

What helps more than “being a good writer”

• writing less, not more 
• choosing clarity over cleverness 
• trusting simple language 
• letting it sound like you

A quick reality check

No one is expecting perfect writing

They’re expecting something real.

And those are two very different things.

Final thought

The best approach to writing wedding vows in Australia is to stop trying to create “perfect vows”.

And start writing vows that sound true.

That’s the whole job.

If you want help shaping your vows

That’s something I guide as part of the process.

Not:

• rewriting them for you 
• giving you templates.

But helping you land on something that:

• feels natural
• sounds like you, and 
• actually works in the ceremony.

Enquire / Check my availability here.